If you had to explain the world to a child, you’d say that there are a lot of people in the world. Half of them men, the other half women. By this logic, one half of the population ought to know stuff about the other half, right? Wrong. Turns out, we’re rather ignorant about others, and we take a lot of joy in this carelessness.
All my fellow women who’re reading this, how much do we know about men? Sure, you know what your dude’s aftershave smells like, but how much do we know about men in general? Not a lot. I’m not sure how much I can do to change that, but what I can do is to help the other half of humanity that lives in a similar island of ignorance. I proudly bring to you, dear men, things that you probably never knew about women. If you did, congratulations, you are one of a kind. If you don’t, well, that’s what we’re here for, aren’t we?
1. That time of the month.
- All that blood and gore? Not a pretty sight.
- The PMS is a terror to ourselves and anyone we happen to meet in those golden days.
- The female body has a way of telling you exactly where your ovaries and uterus lie – through these wonderful little things called cramps and spasms. They can make a grown woman scream.
- Do you know how much of a bother it is to ensure that each of our bags have a sanitary napkin in it?
- Having to sleep as straight as a foot ruler during those nights. Not to forget, waking up at ungodly hours to make sure the napkin isn’t playing hide and seek.
- Light clothes can cause you more embarrassment than you have ever known. So you have to plan your laundry accordingly, weeks in advance.
- If you’re a fan of swimming, for that week, no you aren’t.
- For fun, we watch those sanitary napkin advertisements. Yeah, we bleed blue, earnest supporters of the Indian cricket team that we are.
2. Free Unsolicited Hair Advice. Grr.
When women go for a haircut, they get something free along with it. Nope, not talking about the free blow-drying. You see, a haircut comes with a free advice session, and not just advice about hair-care.
Your hairdresser will, inevitably, suggest a fancy treatment or a specific cosmetic product for your hair because “all the stress of your daily life has made your hair so rough.” They’ll also ask if you considered adding a streak or two of colour in your hair “just for a change from the monotony, you know.” It is just a mere coincidence that their advice can all be bought from the shelf of the same parlours.
3. Go to parlour? Trouble. Don’t go to parlour? Trouble. *rolling eyes*
While we are talking about parlours, let us also introduce to the world the wonders of our beauty regime. Sure, we have metro-sexual men, but even they don’t have to go through a regular monthly torture regime consisting of waxing, shaving, threading, clean-ups and that entire family.
Diamonds may be a girl’s best friends, but tweezers come a close second, and not out of choice. If you decide to not put yourself through all of these and show your ‘natural flair’ to the world, you get labeled as one of those free-wheeling hippies.
4. Au Natural. Sigh.
Beauty regimes pose more problems for women too. You know every time you look at a female and appreciate how natural her beauty is? Yeah, that takes work. Make-up or no make-up has always been an ongoing struggle. Even that totally natural look that we try out often needs basic kajal to carry off, you know. It isn’t usually as simple as just hopping into the shower, then stepping out and wearing the first thing that falls out of the closet for us.
Dont forget the shiny, pointy nails! When you look at a female’s nails, you probably just see nail-paint. To us, it is a whole lot more. I’m telling you this out of personal experience, that men do not realise how much of an effort it takes to get your nails right.
Finding the right shade of paint to match your skin tone isn’t even the first step. If you’re the self manicure kind, you have to cut the nails right, shape them, file them, make sure the cuticles are neat and in place. Only then can you get to the actual painting, which involves tedious amounts of neatness and a number of coats, followed by top coats. Then while you wait for it to dry, your mind has wandered to the end of the world.
5. B##bs? More fun to watch than have. Ugh.
Breasts! Let’s not be shy about these, you know you all secretly, or openly, love them. These are one (two, actually) of the ultimate things that men love, but know barely anything about.
Dudes, seriously, breasts aren’t easy to deal with. If you’re amply blessed, you get a free lifetime supply of backaches. If you aren’t, well then you’re more familiar with packing and stuffing methods than most professional moving companies; and you know to walk right past any strapless dress that you see in stores.
Thanks to breasts, seatbelts and cross-sling bags make us look like giant percentage signs. Don’t even get me started on undergarments. All women are familiar with the constant tugging, pushing and pulling to get your girls to stay in their seats, the underwire loves stabbing us in the chest, and shopping for the right bra and panties, and matching the right bra to the right shirts, well that’s a nightmare.
6. We don’t always have it easy. 🙁
You know how men complain that women have it easy? Sometimes we do, and that’s a constant battle we fight internally. Feminism vs. using our supposed feminine wiles to make our life a tad bit easier is one choice that is always difficult to make. Think about it, if having one button left open on your shirt can get you out of a lot of small problems, wouldn’t it be a temptation for you too?
7. Being a woman has interesting reactions.
When you’re a XX chromosome, people around you develop strange behaviour the minute you are in their company. Exhibit A: try stepping into a crowded bus or train, and suddenly the Grabby-hands syndrome is an epidemic. To top it, other men will give you a detailed look up and down, just to see what has caught the attention of their fellow men. The Bro Code and all that.
When in the company of men you know well, i.e friends, relatives, boyfriend, partner, husband, neighbour, watchman etc. they all develop the Over-Protection infection. They make it their personal agenda to protect you from prying eyes and lecherous smiles. This applies to your pet dog too.
The problem here is that most of us actually like being coddled this way, it makes us feel loved. So all of us strong independent women who can very much look after ourselves, we sometimes like having a guy lead us while walking with a hand on our back.
As women, we’re often dismissed as the fairer sex. This article may seem to be doing the same, at first. However, the idea behind pointing out the many idiosyncrasies and troubles of our daily lives is to highlight the fact that being a girl isn’t all just about vanity. An action that we discharge as being trivial also usually has a lot of thought that goes into it, and it really isn’t right to reduce women to something that is merely around to look pretty and remain silent. While this article is mainly intended to make you laugh, if, along with that, it also makes you think, that’s one good deed done for this day.
– Contributor, University Times
