Dear People,
I am not going to beat around the bush. I am here to talk business.
She wears shorts. Why the hell does she wear a bindi?
Tattoos and red highlights? She has “drug addict” written all over her face!
Oh my God, did you see she purchased an I-pill? She isn’t even married. Slut!They are having an affair since a year. You think she still is a virgin?
She is 25, shares a flat with two girls, and is still unmarried. She isn’t a “normal” lady, if you know what I mean?
Live-in boyfriend? That means premarital sex? Cheee!!
She hits the pub to drink and dance. How uncultured! Such an easy catch!
People! Do you know the difference between your judgment and my salad? I asked for my salad.
As a little girl, the patriarchal thoughts seep into our psyche, and unfortunately, we grow up to accept them as something “normal”. From our clothes to our sexual partner, it is all decided by people we actually don’t give a shit about.
Godmen decide which direction of the house we should live in when we are menstruating, and our family members decide the particular man that we are going to pleasure our entire life. Groups like the infamous Boko Haram stoop to the level of kidnapping 300 girls simply to convert them to Islam and compel them to be married by the young age of nine or twelve, and are allegedly sold off at the borders of the country.
Similarly, there is the Khap Panchayat, encouraging honour killing, prohibiting women to use mobile phones, wear jeans; there are also a few geniuses who suggest the ban on eating “chowmein” as it causes hormonal imbalance.
Just like me, are you wondering when this insatiable urge to control women would be put to an end?
And forget Godmen, there are some amendment reports by highly intellectual people which suggest removal of exemption of marital rape which was premised on the notion that marriage was proof of a woman’s irrevocable consent “to have intercourse with her husband at his whim”. However, the government rejected this proposal and justified its move by stating such an amendment “has the potential of destroying the institution of marriage.” An ideal wife, according to our Indian culture, is duty-bound to let her husband have intercourse with her. Thus, religion and culture also play a role in the objectification of women in the sexual context.
Do men decide who they want to have sexual relations with? Yes.
Do men get judged for having many sexual encounters and flings? Duh! There’s your answer silly! He is a “man”!
Excessive sexual drive of a man is considered substantial enough to prove that things are working absolutely fine between his legs, making him a “womaniser” or a “fun loving” guy. Whereas women are subjected to Female Genital Mutilation in order to control her libido, reduce her sex drive, and to control her before she indulges in “immoral sexual pleasures”. It is immoral for a woman to have a sexual urge in our “cultured” Indian tradition. Doesn’t all this really imply at looking at women as just a “sex toy” to help a man reach climax?
Coming to the regular life, women and young girls are abused – physically and mentally. We grow up to live in a very controlled environment in the name of “protectiveness” and consider it normal. But who draws the line? Trying to choke your wife to death is nowhere near “domestic violence”, it clearly is a criminal act! And those parents who derive an egoistic pleasure and fame with the “happily married daughter” tag? There is a majority of our Indian population, who consider a married daughter as a status symbol in the society.
Learn how to cook, beta. Is this how you will behave in your sasural? What will your in-laws say?
Ladki ko ghar sambhalna aana chahiye.
Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Well, the problem is that families often forget that they should groom their daughters to make them independent, strong-headed, compassionate women, instead of training them like dogs so that they can go and take care of their next owner’s house. Is a son ever groomed the same way? Is he taught how to handle a house, because he too will get married?
The message is loud and clear. Nobody likes to be controlled. Not you. Not us. It’s about time that we stop nauseating women with our judgmental parameters. We are all capable enough to decide who we want to make love with, who we want to marry, who we want to live with, what we want to do with our bodies, and what profession we wish to pursue. We are all set to click our heels and fly free from the judgments that don’t matter.
Yours,
Yet another judged woman.
– Columnist, University Times
