We all love Sheldon Cooper! Now let us create this hypothetical scenario, where a character as iconic and impressive as Sheldon Cooper finds himself in the 16:9 world of the great daily Indian TV soaps. Oh won’t the world turn inside out! What would happen were this to become real What if, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, physicist, narcissist, and self-proclaimed perfect human specimen, finds his way to the colourful, melodramatic world of our oh so beloved Indian TV serials?
1) Three knocks will be revamped to three slaps.
2) His food schedule will be completely messed up; no more Chinese or Thai days. It will all be Indian now, all day, every day.
3) Sheldon’s aversion to romantic relationships will surface and display itself in characteristic Sheldon angst, thanks to the many and never-ending love triangles and squares and pentagons and whatnot that our dear TV soaps are marked with.
4) Ditto his aversion to social situations. Too many people in the family would kind of kill his vibe.
5) Sheldon will be in a constant state of discomfort because everyone around him will be busy arguing, all day, every day.
6) His tantrums would far outlast the infamous saas-bahu tantrums. And that might actually be a good thing and, needless to say, far more entertaining.
7) Instead of silly background scores, we would have our beloved ‘Soft Kitty’.
8) He’d crib about all the characters’ lack of scientific knowledge and leave no opportunity to make a corrective speech.
9) He would keep interrupting the saas-bahu‘s stupid nonsensical speeches to give his opinion. (That would be a good thing though. A very good thing).
10) Sheldon’s reaction on receiving an arranged marriage proposal would be some kind of epic! xD
11) Sheldon would feel out of place in his Batman tees, when everyone around him is covered in gold, silk and designer outfits, even when just out of bed.
12) Sheldon’s saas mentality (yes, we all know that exists) would, however, assure he feels at home in an Indian TV serial.
13) Like any another typical saas, Sheldon keeps track of when he feels wronged by people, assigning “strikes”. (In Sheldon’s rulebook, after three strikes, the offender has the choice to apologise, be banished from his apartment for a year or take a class.)
14) He has an all-or-nothing attitude and throws fits and tantrums when his will is not adhered to. He doesn’t trust anyone and is often jealous of other people’s success.
15) He is fond of long, belabored explanations and speechifying. With that happening on an almost daily basis in Indian soaps, he’d feel quite at home.
16) Once he’s dealt with the crazy characters and observed their quirks, he’d sympathise with Raj and completely understand his wish of never wanting to return to India.
17) Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I’m stupid!
Sheldon: That’s no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.
And with so much stupidity being portrayed in Indian daily soaps, he’d be crying all day.
18) Sheldon has issues with people who he feels are not as intelligent as himself. He has a hard time communicating with them, so he’d have no one to talk to and hence, would spend most of his time talking to himself.
19) He will always fight with the head of the family (whoever it is) for his SPOT.
20) He cannot leave things unfinished. So if the bride or groom runs away from the wedding, he will take it upon himself to bring them back, no matter what!
21) If the bride and groom DO manage to stay, Sheldon would insist they hurry up with the pheras so he could go watch Star Trek.
22) He would have problems with the way people speak English, and his utter lack of tolerance would compel him to give tutorials even while sitting in front of a temple.
23) Sheldon’s love for trains would die. Because, obvious reasons.
24) When a person is on his deathbed, and when the typical “Nahiii bhaiya, aapko kuch nahi ho sakta” makes its appearance, Sheldon will pop in and explain in the minutest detail how there are zero possibilities for the person to survive. Some way to go, huh?
25) When the little whiny kids tamper with his action figures, he’ll be plotting to kill them all with his “Sonic Death Ray”.
26) All his comic books will be given to the raddiwala. Iss kachre ki koi zarurat nahi hai iss ghar me! *epic music plays*
27) Just curious, he’d frequently question every member of the family, providing gossip to all the ladies and faithfully contributing his part to the ‘parampara’.
28) Though gossip might not interest him, he’d quite casually and unknowingly pass secrets on, creating a havoc in the family. His absolute inability to keep secrets would ensure more fights in the household; the audience can never have enough of jhagdas, no?
29) With ideals like Flash and Spock, he’d find it almost impossible to understand why people obsess over Krrish or Baalveer.
30) Ah yes. Roommate agreements for the entire family, saas, bahu, beta, beti included.
Sheldon, however, would demand too much time and attention, and given Indian TV soaps, they would probably ignore his very existence and leave him to die. You never know, actually. The producers of the show might decide to kill him off mid-season (you see, death of a character boosts TRP), and maybe resurrect him mid-another-season (Dead person comes alive! More TRP! Woohoo!).
But maybe Sheldon would do us all a favour and perfect his Sonic Death Ray, so that this time around, it can actually kill people rather than just annoy dogs. That is apparently the only way the producers of these wonderful soaps can be stopped.