If any of India’s collective knowledge were to scare the bejesus out of anyone, it would have to be the country’s fierce dedication towards its daily entertainment quota: it’s TV shows. You might not know who is contesting for the next elections, or why Rama had to go all the way to Lanka to fight Ravana, but you sure know the unavoidable turn of events happening in your favourite 8 pm TV show. Our prime time television trivia is scary, (not worth flaunting though) and it is one of the few things that we take pride in, unfortunately. Here are 10 reasons why you should not watch Indian TV shows and why you might want to change your channel to something more sensible and something less neurotic.
#1. Slow Down, Bro.
It is one thing to watch a TV show when you were 14, and another to watch the same when your kid turned 14. We get that you are all lovers of reincarnation and immortality; but you might want to reduce it a tad bit and keep it just to your dreams. Besides, doesn’t it strike you as just a little bit odd that in the time span than you grew from your teens to middle age, your beloved bahus and their beloved patis just barely developed one white streak in their hair?
#2. Science is Fiction.
Some awfully disturbing, physics-defying content will blow your brains away. Well, if not concerned about your own brain, it will definitely make your kid flunk the next Science paper. Yes, if your child believes that it is possible to get shot in the head and still miraculously drag out a 23-minute death scene with tears and goodbyes and dying declarations, it may be your fault.
#3. 5 tonnes of gold & 3 kilos of make-up per female character.
Bappi Lahiri’s thunder is being stolen. Unless you want to annoy him, I’d suggest do not get awestruck by the jewellery on your television actresses. You have to give it to our television industry though, for this one. Who else could have made you believe that women wake up every morning with 5 tonnes of gold and three kilos of make-up on them, and that this is completely natural?
#4. Obvious is the new Thriller.
Don’t we all hate spoilers? But what were to happen if you knew every single incident about to happen in the episode to come? That says something, doesn’t it? If you want to skip the predictability, there’s a remote next to you. Honestly, sometimes even the background music will cue you in to who’s going to die next, that’s how easy these shows are on our intellectual faculties.
On the flip side though, they also maintain consistency for the dedicated fans. So much that if you don’t watch a show for a week and then go back to it, the plot will still be exactly where it was the last time you saw it, give or take a couple of song sequences.
#5. CID is the Indian CSI.
Ahem, American TV show lovers? You’re in for some serious retardation. CID is our CSI! Daya, who is known to break through every darwaza of common sense and basic intelligence, is our answer to Gil Grissom, apparently. Just saying.
#6. One Man Army.
Our shows are a giant cauldron of social goodness. You see, they make us believe that the same person can solves family issues, societal problems and abolish at least one social evil, all in time to make dinner for your kids. As moral as the intention behind this is, it really fuels a lot of delusions. Yes you, who’ve made Anandi and that host from Crime Patrol your role model, I’m talking to you.
#7. Beautiful Scripts that Rule the Reality Shows.
You will probably get more reality in Sunny Leone’s ‘Ragini MMS 2′ than in any of the seasons of Bigg Boss. Point being, do not watch reality shows expecting real gossip to hit you. Or anything real at all, other than one of Dolly Bindra’s slaps. Those seem pretty to real to me.
#8. Bollywood Songs on TV -_-
As if watching crass Bollywood songs wasn’t enough, they’ve made en entry into our beloved TV shows. By the way, equally annoying. And a very convenient way to make up for the fact that script writers are either seriously overworked, or they don’t exist in the first place. Don’t have enough plot material to form an entire episode? Not to worry, because half of the episode’s run time will easily get taken by that romantic sequence about a wet sari and a new film song.
#9. Because We Can’t Even Copy Well.
If you love ‘The Suite Life Of Karan and Kabir’ and ‘Karishma ka Karishma’ more than their original American counterparts, I judge you. And so does the world. If you don’t know what these shows are, congratulations, you have just found your way into the 10% of the country who hasn’t yet been affected by the TV industry’s mad tendency to copy, oops, be inspired by some amazing original shows.
#10. Pity your brain. If you have one.
If none of the above is a substantial enough reason to take your fancy away, there’s always the most harmful effect of Indian TV shows, dead neurons! To find out if you suffer from these, go through this article and others on this website. After that, if all you can register is a bunch of fancy characters on the screens and you sense the lack of jarring transitions, loud background music and no meaning at all, then yes, the dead neurons have taken over your little brain kingdom. We offer you our deepest condolences and unused remote controls.
– Written by a columnist for University Times